"Nothing will work unless you do." -Maya Angelou
Over these last few weeks, I have done some deep reflection involving the completion of my work. I am well aware that there are many stresses that have the potential to effect my positive energy and success. Lately, white supremacy culture and the idea of perfectionism. Reflecting and realizing that all my life I have been conditioned and expected to lead in ways represented in white supremacy - and I've done it well.
I couldn't figure out why it was that when I missed a deadline - even if it's only by a an hour or so, I was completely unmotivated to do my work and found myself completely scared of negative ramifications (which in reality were ones made up in my head to happen, but never did). Instead of doing the work and pushing through, I would almost always allow myself to feel this unbearable guilt about the task not being completed. Of course, I have to recognize that this is a process working towards correcting this behavior - however, I already feel some improvement.
After I returned from my recent trip to Cancun - I got home and realized that my planner was no longer in my luggage. My planner - my lifeline, and sometimes the only thing that keeps me organized was missing. Inevitably, I missed a deadline - since I didn't have it right in front of my face. I spent hours thinking about how I could've let this happen - instead of switching my thinking to what I can actually do about it. Once I did that, it was amazing how things happened! I went into the office - there was no paper, so I asked about it and got some instead of dwelling on it! I painted a simple and effective banner for the window - and I even messed up a few times and didn't take the time to rip up the banner and start over - shew!
With this lesson I learned, not only does perfectionism prove to be extremely damaging to my work ethic - it is also an extremely hard system to navigate, but it's not impossible. I got the banner up a day late - and get to leave it up for an extra week. I even had some help from some great RAPPers to help me reach the top of the window. Take a deep breath and relax - it will all work out as long as you put forth the effort.